At least that’s what he said…..along with screaming at me at the top of his lungs telling me to shut up, in front of a million people in the Kroger Parking Lot.At that point he said that he was running this show, and that I would listen to him.I won’t tell you what I wanted to say, instead, I drove away, ashamed that everyone was staring at me, and mad. I was supposed to finish helping out today, but why? Especially after that. I am tired.

That was the question that my husband, the one I married, asked me. Today, I was called a stupid B**** because I didn’t bring a chair to work.It was misleading as to what I was Told to bring, and it was senseless. Why? Why do I continue to try to make things work? I am not a dog…..and I am tired of being talked to like one.Things like this happens usually on a daily basis.I wish I could be rescued from this Hell that I live in. Emotionally, I am drained…I have no more tears.

Emotionally Trappedby Erin Donohoe

Let me tell you a story about a girl who cries at night.
Only time will tell if she’ll ever be mentally alright
Restless nights as she contemplates the next day
A million questions asking if she should run away
Feelin emotionally trapped with no where to go
How she thinks in her mind no one will ever know

She speaks but no on hears, choosing to ignore
You think she has everything but she needs more
People misunderstand her or they don’t even try
They give up on her so that’s she left alone to cry
It’s not only her eyes that cry but her heart inside
She’s built up a wall where she’s chosen to hide

Behind every laugh and every smile she hides a tear
Before every word spoken she feels a sense of fear
Not knowing what to do as she locks herself alone
No one really cares and to the world she is unknown
No one knows that she’s fallen into a hole so deep
And at night her tortured heart cries herself to sleep

She can’t help insecurities that she carries around
Constantly feeling worthless; pushed to the ground
Emotionally trapped of emotions she can’t express
She’s swimming in an ocean, of pain and distress
Let me end this story of a girl who will cry tonight
Only time will tell if she’ll make it through the night.

I don’t know what to title this post…it may come to me as I am writing this though………I have come to that point in my life where I am standing in the middle of nowhere, and I have so many different directions I could go. I dig out, but fall further.Every day is the same. I feel as if I am trapped, and there is no escape door………Why in the world does this have to be so difficult? It’s a no brainer, but one with many different outcomes. I don’t want to do this by myself.Ahhhh…..I just found the title to this post….Nobody Knows…..because they don’t….They don’t know the pain I feel when I see the Rage in my husband’s eyes, and then the destruction afterwards. Nobody Knows the anger I feel when I just want it all to go away. Verbal and mental Abuse is just as bad as physical….Nobody Knows the pain I feel when my children portray these same atributes, when all the while, I feel completely helpless knowing that I have not stopped this sooner and been a better mother.Nobody Knows how sad I feel when I want to make things better, but others won’t admit they have a problem, and refuses to get any help for it.Nobody Knows how hard it is to live day to day…….trying to figure it all out. I am tired of becoming someone I am not, and I am tired of thinking every day that things will get better…….I have tried….and it doesn’t. Just as soon as I let my guard down, BAM, Here we go again.Nobody Knows.

I have turned another year older this year…..and my baby girl starts a new year tomorrow in first grade.
Do you ever feel like a change is coming on? Do you ever feel like what you thought was supposed to be is now not the norm, and things are different? I feel that way right now…….a lot of changes going on.

The beach vacation was great!!! Too short of course…… However, Mommy needs a vacation, after the vacation! Our week started out great…Lots of sunshine, and fun in the sun. Had a huge scare though at the beginning of the week…We visited a place called The Ruins, which was the ruins of an old Sugar Mill. As we waded our way through the mosquito’s, we took the time for photo’s ops…….As Will was taking a photo of me and my cousin, I hear Ember scream “Mommy, there’s a snake!!!”. My heart absolutely sank!!! Here was my 2 year old 4 inches from this thing……..William ran and scooped her up. As we collected our thoughts, and went to inspect what type of snake it was, we found that it was a Baby Rattlesnake!!!! Thank God this thing didn’t strike!!!! We visited Orlando on Wednesday, and spent the day at Sea World…..and had an incredible time. Ember and Ava both enjoyed this very much! And, I must admit, so did Mommy!!! Thurs and Friday brought some afternoon showers, but nothing to get in a frinzy over….we made the best of it by Shopping, my favorite thing……..Since we’ve been home this past week, we had to return to work, and I am simply pooped…! Hope everyone has a Great Summer

On a Special K diet that is….. started on Monday, and today is Saturday, and I have already lost about 5 pounds. I have a long way to go, but, it’s really working for me.

It’s very easy. My choice of Special K cereal in the morn with 2/3 cups of skim milk……
A special K snack bar mid morn to keep me going, a regular lunch/or meal bar, my choice…….and dinner Meal Bar or my choice depending on what I did for lunch…….Water……..or sweet tea………..NO COKES!!! I still have my coffee in the morning, but I have went from large to small with just cream and sugar….Not XTRA
Gradual….but I will get there. My goal is, well, I won’t say how much, but, please cheer me on, and help me get through my challenge.
The Doc put me on thyroid meds for a hypothyroid condition…..not too happy about that, but, it might help in the weight loss game. I am really doing it so that I can continue to stay healthy, and of COURSE, to look better……Now, I just need to go back to my working out 3 times a week,and I will be set.

WISH ME LUCK.

Ava’s party was short and sweet just like her…just me, Will and her sissy were in attendance…but that’s all that matters. Can’t upload any photo’s cause my digital camera got ruined from taking it out in the snow…..:( which made me sad…. anyway, We have been in business in our store for 1 year now….it’s hard to believe that it has been that long……Big birthday bash tomorrow at the store…..fun!

The last year, well, I really haven’t been myself………




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